Jonny Cueto (matagordo): International Master and Bullet Chess Specialist
Meet Jonny Cueto, the FIDE-crowned International Master better known at the board as matagordo, a username that roughly translates to "fat killer" and doubles as a perfectly honest job description. Since 2013 he has logged more than 7,000 online games, the overwhelming majority in bullet chess, the time control where pieces are moved at the speed of regret. His peak bullet rating sits at 2506 (2024-02-06), his blitz peak at 2531 (2025-02-23), and for anyone who thinks one minute simply is not enough time to blunder, a rapid peak of 2321 (2023-01-23) rounds out the collection.
The Bullet Years: Debut, Exile, Redemption
Jonny arrived in July 2013 rated 1341 and immediately went on a tear, winning 20 of his first 26 bullet games. Then came the great mystery of 2016: exactly two blitz games, opened with 1.e3 and 1.d3 respectively, followed by a multi-year vanishing act historians may one day call the Matagordo Exile. He resurfaced briefly in 2020, properly in 2021, remembered that d4 exists, and has been climbing ever since, peaking at a career-best 2506 on the bullet ladder in February 2024.
Along the way he assembled an 18-game winning streak, his longest, and survived a 14-game losing streak that we are contractually obligated to mention exactly once and never again.
The Repertoire: d4, Chaos, and the Amazon Attack
Jonny is a 1.d4 player by trade, by hobby, and apparently by legal obligation: he opened with d4 more than 1,200 times in 2024 alone. His signature weapon is the Amazon Attack, specifically its Siberian Attack line, which he has played in over 600 bullet games with the serene confidence of a man who has never once checked why it is called that. When White needs pure mischief there is the Amar Gambit, and with the Black pieces he happily stirs trouble via the Australian Defense and the Modern Defense.
Style points: an endgame frequency of 82% means roughly four out of five games go long, and his average bullet win stretches about 76 moves, which in bullet time is roughly three business days. A comeback rate of 81.6% and a 40.9% win rate even after dropping a piece tell the real story: the matagordo does not panic, he negotiates.
The Nemesis Ledger
- mosatovic: 105 games and a 54-48-3 record, the closest thing to a sibling rivalry on the internet.
- catarina1988: 68 meetings and a cozy 47-15-6 for Jonny, essentially a subscription service for rating points.
- chesrookie930: the final boss, 25-48-4 across 77 games. Some doors simply do not open.
- adm432 and rock7e7: a combined 82-25-2, two of the rare opponents who have seen the friendly side of the matagordo.
- Carlos Rodrigo Born: 17-31-1, proof that even the most patient predator has off nights.
The Clock Is the Real Champion
Here is the single strangest stat in the entire file: across more than 7,000 analyzed games, Jonny's delivered-checkmate percentage is a perfectly round zero. All 3,100+ of his career wins arrived by other means, most often an opponent's clock staging a dramatic collapse. He is not a checkmater; he is a check-suggester, having delivered over 17,500 checks in his career, the majority with the queen, each one politely inquiring whether you would like to run out of time now or after two more moves.
When to Catch Him (and When to Hide)
The data is unambiguous. Jonny is sharpest around 13:00, where his win rate climbs near 59%, and Sundays are his official hunting ground at nearly 56%. Saturdays, at a gentle 33%, are statistically the best day to challenge him with a clear conscience, and evening sessions between 17:00 and 19:00 dip into the mid-30s, presumably when the coffee wears off and the flags go up.
The verdict: an International Master with a taste for speed, a stubborn d4 habit, an Amazon in his pocket, and a clock that does his checkmating for him. Challenge matagordo at your own risk, ideally on a Saturday, ideally before 17:00.