Who Is not_chessburger?
Let us clear up the obvious confusion immediately: not_chessburger is not a burger. They are an online chess grinder who logged their first rated games in December 2022 at a humble 1000 blitz, lost all five of them, and then apparently decided that 1,700 more games would fix the problem. They were right. 2287 (2026-09-23) is the punchline, reached on September 23, 2026, after one of the most relentless rating climbs you will ever scroll through.
From 1000 to 2287: The Great Grind
Every improvement story has a moment where the graph goes vertical. For not_chessburger, that moment was September 2026: 688 blitz games in a single month, 349 of them wins. That is not a practice plan, that is a personality trait.
Along the way they assembled a 10-game winning streak, carefully balanced by an 8-game losing streak kept in a drawer for humility purposes.Opening Repertoire: e4, Mostly, Always
As White, the first move is 1.e4 with the devotion of someone who considers 1.d4 a personality flaw (62 documented lapses in 2026). The white side runs through the Four Knights Game: Spanish Variation at a healthy 59 percent, the Amazon Attack: Siberian Attack at nearly 59 percent, and the occasional Amar Gambit, because chaos is a valid lifestyle.
As Black, it gets spicier. The Italian Game: Two Knights Defense has carried 55 blitz games, the Barnes Defense somehow owns a winning record, and the Sicilian Defense shows up whenever respectability is required.
Nemeses and Regulars
- remichbrt: 2 wins, 6 losses. The final boss of the not_chessburger experience.
- jaidenlaulau: 2 wins, 5 losses. Second boss, same dungeon.
- peterlannister: 1 win, 4 losses. House Lannister always pays its debts.
- Filus0822: 5 wins, 0 losses. Not a rival, a subscription.
- gepallat: 4 wins, 0 losses. See above, but with extra fries.
Style: The Comeback Merchant
The defining trait is refusal. The early resignation rate sits at a microscopic 2.84 percent, meaning when a piece goes down, not_chessburger says "no thanks" and keeps playing. The comeback rate is an absurd 83.9 percent, endgames arrive in about 70 percent of their games, and wins average over 70 moves. This is not a puncher. This is a marathon runner with a grudge who makes the first capture around move seven and then audits your king for the next hour.
Also, and this cannot be overstated: the queen is the favorite checking piece by a landslide, over 1,600 checks delivered and counting. Kings in their games do not get checked. They get processed.
The Equal-Rating Paradox and the 5 AM Edge
Here is where the data gets hilarious. Against lower-rated opponents, the win rate is about 70 percent. Against higher-rated ones, a respectable 30 percent. Against equals? Twenty-five percent. The ladder has decided not_chessburger is only dangerous in one direction, like a revolving door with opinions.
The other secret is the clock: the best hour to face them is 05:00 in the morning, and they also post 60 percent win rates at midnight and 1 AM. Whether that says more about their sleep schedule or their opponents' is a question for philosophers. A tilt factor of 8 suggests the real answer is: neither, they are simply nocturnal.
Rapid, Bullet, and the Final Verdict
Bullet chess was a brief early fling, peaking at 1844 in December 2022 before being unceremoniously abandoned around 1400, presumably once it became clear that thinking was the better strategy. Rapid has been kinder: a peak of 2163 in October 2025, fueled by the French Defense: Advance Variation at nearly 74 percent, a 90 percent score with the Alapin against Sicilian players, and the dependable Scotch Game.
A position they have essentially lived in for four years:
Over 1,700 analyzed games, a blitz rating that more than doubled itself, an 83.9 percent comeback rate, and a queen that checks more often than a tax office: not_chessburger is living proof that the road from 1000 to 2287 is real, paved with e4, long endgames, and one truly unreasonable September. Order whatever you like at 5 AM, but do not order a chessburger. That position is filled.