edmontongoaters, Bullet GOAT Hunter
Some usernames are decorations. This one is a mission statement. Since opening the account in June 2024, edmontongoaters has played nearly 6,000 online chess games, the overwhelming majority in bullet, all in pursuit of the only title that matters: Greatest Of All Time. The name may honor Edmonton, Alberta, some other Edmonton, or the GOAT itself. The results lean GOAT. Bullet peak: 2786 (2025-08-25), set August 25, 2025. Blitz peak: 2635. Daily chess record: 4-0, technically still perfect.
The Rise
The account began with six straight rapid wins, a start so clean it deserved a plaque. By the end of month one the bullet rating was already above 2200. By December 2024 it had crossed 2600. In February 2025, edmontongoaters played 531 bullet games, roughly nineteen per day, which is less a hobby and more a cardiovascular event. The peak of 2786 arrived in August 2025, followed by a dip to the mid-2500s and a patient climb back above 2660, a chart that resembles the EKG of a very fit but dramatic heart.
Style: Patient Speed, Ice Water Blood
This is endgame-minded speed chess. Average wins run about 79 moves, 81.6% of games reach an endgame, and the comeback rate is a frankly rude 87.9%. Even after dropping a piece, edmontongoaters still wins 44.5% of the time. The tilt factor is 9 out of 100, one-sided losses occur just 1.2% of the time, and a 33% early resignation rate means lost positions get folded quickly rather than dragged around like luggage. Peak win rate comes at 2 AM. The sample size is small, but the legend is not.
A Repertoire Curated by a Paleontologist
The opening log reads like a natural history exhibit. Headliners include the Modern Defense at 491 bullet games, the Australian Defense at 277, and the Amar Gambit, a 178-game, 56% win rate weapon whose name reportedly stands for Absolutely Mad And Ridiculous, which has clearly been adopted as a personal brand.
Then there is the Colle, Rhamphorhynchus Variation, an opening so fearsome the middle of its name appears redacted in official records. In rapid play it is 9-0. Undefeated. The fossils win. As White the menu is built on d4, Nf3 and English setups, with e4 attempted 58 times in 2024 and then quietly retired like a failed science experiment. Curiously, results are slightly better with Black (47.0%) than with White (46.7%).
Nemesis Watch
No opponent has shared more board time than OmniscentReaderV: 506 games, 255-208-43. That is not a rivalry, that is a sitcom that keeps getting renewed for another season. Sample one episode here.
- Dominated: sardynek2800 (52-12-5) and pawlaking (20-4-1).
- Haunted by: jacobpaimer (11-33-2), tydfger (8-26-2), and cockroachdolly (5-22-4), a name that checks out given the results.
By the Numbers
- 5,104 bullet games: 2,363 wins, 2,373 losses, 368 draws. A near perfectly balanced record, as if the universe demands fairness.
- Longest win streak: 13. Longest losing streak: 9. The winning streak was, respectfully, longer.
- 18,061 checks delivered, 6,202 of them by rooks. When edmontongoaters checks you, it is usually with a rook, and it is usually personal.
- 638 blitz games with a 296-287-55 record. Also balanced. The pattern is not a coincidence, it is a personality.
- 4-0 in daily chess: technically undefeated, technically perfect, and definitely not over yet.